Group helps families deal with death

     By Scott Gulbransen
     View staff writer
      With the holidays winding down, there is a segment of the Northwest population that may be letting out a sigh of relief.
      For people still reeling after the loss of a loved one, the holidays prove to be yet another obstacle in trying to pick up the pieces and move on with life after a death has changed it.
      "Big events like the holidays or personal anniversaries are always tough for people who are grieving the loss of a loved one," said Peg Alitt, counselor and leader of the Sun City Bereavement group. "The grieving process is always difficult but when the media and everyone else in the world is celebrating this time of year it can be extremely difficult."
      Alitt, who also serves as an assistant director at a local preschool, said she ran into a person at a recent holiday party who was struggling with their loss and the celebratory mood of this time of year.
      "I was at a holiday party and I observed this gentleman go into the restroom and came out teary-eyed," Alitt said. "He had recently lost his wife and the holiday and party overload was just too much to handle."
      The Sun City Bereavement Group meets every Monday from 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. inside the Desert Vista Community Center and is meant to help local residents deal with loss.
      The group, open to all residents in the Sun City, Summerlin and Northwest area, is led by Alitt who recognized the need for such a group in the fast-growing area.
      "The group really began on the social level but for grieving people it's very hard to be social after such a profound loss," said Alitt, who holds a master's degree in psychology. "I had many people in Sun City and Summerlin calling me and asking me for counseling sessions and then we decided to do it in a group setting."
      Although discussing a loss may be difficult for people, Alitt said the group is very comforting for those who are grieving because they all share a common bond.
      "No matter how many people mean well and say, `We understand how you feel,' they really don't know how it feels," Alitt said. "This is a group filled with people who know how it feels and they genuinely help one another in getting through the difficult times."
      Reba Love, 64, is a Summerlin resident who recently lost her husband after a long battle with emphysema. Love has not yet attended a meeting of any bereavement group but is strongly considering it.
      "It's very difficult for me to even discuss it," said Love, with tears falling from her eyes. "My kids and grandkids have all been trying to get me to go to some counseling but I'm not sure I'm ready."
      Alitt said Love's feelings are very normal and people grieving eventually find the help they need.
      "Obviously you can't force someone to get counseling," Alitt said. "But the group can help the grieving person keep on an even keel and when they are ready to deal with it the group can help them. The group helps particularly with newcomers because many members of the group have already been through all the stages of grieving and lend a hand to try and help others through it. They've been there and they know it, which is comforting for others."
      Love is strongly considering attending a meeting because she feels she is getting closer to dealing with her loss.
      "The shock is wearing off a little and maybe it's time, I don't know," Love said. "I've always been bad with death and now that it has come into my life it hasn't been easy."
      Alitt believes American culture has always been very poor at dealing with death. But with the advancement of hospices, Alitt said she sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
      "The hospice movement has been the main catalyst in helping Americans understand and accept death," Alitt said. "AIDS has touched many families and they have had to deal with death and watching someone die. Americans are learning that life is a big cycle and death is part of the process. It's very encouraging to see that change and I think it will get better."
      Alitt said teaching children about death at an early age is also a good idea. She said children can't be afraid of death and need to know what it is.
      "No matter what the age or who the person may have lost, it affects their life profoundly," Alitt said. "It's very important people realize they do not have to go through it alone."
      To reach Alitt or the Sun City Bereavement Group, call 255-4105.