Yearly vigil honors lost loved ones

Hospice workers offer advice for coping through the holidays

Tearful remembrances of loved ones lost during the past year led even volunteers for the Nathan Adelson Hospice to dab their eyes with tissues during the annual Candlelight Vigil held Dec. 4 at the Desert Greens clubhouse.

The holiday season can be an unhappy experience for people if it conjures up memories of loved ones who recently died and how they would've spent this special time of year together. Hospice workers attempted to offer some advice on how to deal with the occasion.

"We do it as a yearly memorial, and we do it around this time to share remembrance of people and also we extend our support during this time because the holidays are so difficult," said Andrea Willey, a licensed clinical social worker intern. "An event like we had certainly will evoke emotions that can make people tearful at times, but that's all part of the healing process."

Harpist Kate Mucci set the tone for the evening with some angelic strumming.

"What I'm doing tonight is using your energy to create music," Mucci said. "Just send all your love out there."

The Rev. Ross Tucker, chaplain for the Nathan Adelson Hospice, said, "Most of the work we do is in the home. It is not in a nursing home. It is not in a hospital."

Willey said the evening was all about memories, but she wasn't satisfied with Webster's definition: "A mental faculty of retaining and recalling past experiences."

"Then it dawned on me, your memories are a part of you," she told the grieving survivors. "Memories are very, very special. They're an everlasting gift that remains with us and will be forever. They can help us heal our pain."

The mind is an amazing thing, Willey said. People can choose to remember what memories they want to keep.

"Ahead of us is a holiday season we must endure for the first time, for the second time, for the third time, for the 10th time without our loved ones," Willey said. "It's a time of reflection and memory. So what brings comfort to you?

"Maybe you want to do what you feel comfortable doing in the holiday season because that's tradition and that's what you always do," she said. "Maybe you want to avoid the holidays altogether, and that's OK, too.

"Maybe you want to break from tradition and try something new," Willey said. "If you want to stick to the same traditions because they bring comfort, do it."

Symbolism was part of the ceremony. Four people came to the front of the room to light a candle: one for grief, one for courage, one for memories and one for love.

"As we enter the holiday season, day-by-day, we cherish the place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you," Willey said as the candles were lit.

Almost 50 people, many of them who participated in bereavement support groups through the hospice in the past year, wrote messages on doilies in honor of their loved ones. Tucker read the messages while Willey rang a small bell, a Buddhist blessing for those that have passed on.

Words have a great effect, Tucker said, particularly those special words penned by the survivors. They included these touching remembrances:

"In the still of each passing moment, you'll never be forgotten because we love you."

"It's been a tough year. I miss your laugh and smile but most of all, I miss you."

"Thank you so much for all the wonderful memories and the love that we shared."

"Not one day goes by that I don't think of you. You're my guardian angel and I can't wait until we meet again. I know you're looking down from heaven and keeping me safe."

"When someone becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure. You are my treasure."


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