Do you have the stomach for it?

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This was going to be the first installment of my five-part series on colon hydrotherapy, but apparently there are some things you can't talk about in a family newspaper, no matter how many colorful euphemisms you use.

Actually, now that I think of it, perhaps the colorful euphemisms were the problem. Regardless, let us move on to a less oogy subject.

There are 12,392 products specifically marketed toward getting rid of your spare tire. OK, I admit I just pulled that number out of a hat, but it's probably low.

The reason is simple. Most of us are carrying too much weight around our middles. Even a moderate amount of tummy fat is obvious, unlike, for instance, your arms, which you can hide in long sleeves. It's not a great look for the beach, but it's effective.

Some products work just fine, while some are better used as abstract art. At least one that I know of makes a great sled. They all have one thing in common: they're superfluous.

Sure, the ones that actually work have some use as a motivator.

If a 30-minute infomercial featuring heavy metal music video star Tawny Kitaen caused you to buy the Abdominator, you'll probably feel motivated to get your five easy payments of $14.95 out of it.

It also can act as a reminder, as in, "Hey, there's that ugly piece of blue polyurethane and rolled steel tubing. Why did I buy that? Oh, right, my gut. I'd better work on that."

But the stomach muscles are probably the easiest to work without special equipment.

A quick search on the Internet will pull up any number of exercise routines targeting the ol' doughnut sack.

Like a lot of exercises, you'll get more out of it if you move slowly. Violently yanking your head off the floor like a piston in a muscle car may look swell in the inevitable workout montage in every sports film, but it's much more difficult and useful to go very slowly and with great control.

Noted bodybuilder and political freak show Arnold Schwarzenegger wrote that the abdomen can and should be worked on a daily basis.

I may not take advice about acting or governing a state from him, but I think it's safe to assume he's something of an authority on muscle-building.

If you work the abdomen regularly and with increasing intensity, in a short time you'll have those washboard abs that are so popular these days. Unfortunately, they'll probably still be hidden under a thick layer of flab.

There's no getting around the simple math of weight loss. You have to expend more energy than you consume. In order to lose the paunch, you'll almost certainly need to work an aerobic exercise into your routine, which is a subject for another day.

Just because you can't see them doesn't mean those stronger abdominal muscles aren't doing you any good.

On the contrary, a strong gut means you'll stand straighter, which makes you look less heavy. More importantly, a lot of back problems can be sorted out by strengthening the abdomen.

Of course, the back is a complicated place, so if you're having serious back problems, consult your doctor before beginning an exercise program like this. At the very least, check with Tawny Kitaen.

F. Andrew Taylor is a Las Vegas freelance writer. His column appears twice monthly. Contact him at fandrewt@cox.net.