Roller derby makes a comeback

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Normally in this column, I offer tips on how to improve your health and warn you about things that can be harmful. I'm going to start this installment off with the strong caveat that what I'm going to talk about could really mess you up, so don't try this at home without giving it some serious thought and talking to your doctor about it if you're of an age at which the body has ceased to knit itself back together rapidly.

Last week, I watched a group of women doing an intense aerobic workout in triple-digit heat. I honestly can say I've never seen a sport that looked so physically demanding, but also one in which the participants looked like they were having more fun than an otter at a water park. Actually, a lot more fun, because otters really don't like anything past the initial slide and then they discover that the chlorine hurts their eyes and makes their fur feel all stiff and clumpy.

What I was watching was roller derby. Yes, that perennial Saturday afternoon UHF mindboggler that faded away in the late '70s is back, though it looks very little like it did back in the day. The expensive and mono-purposed slopped track arenas have been replaced by flat tracks that might be a roller hockey rink or just a place where, at other times, middle school kids make endless circles to piped-in pop music.

The biggest change, however, is the players. The teams are no longer coed; the x-y chromosomes have been removed from the sport. The ladies are no longer, as Jim Croce sang, "built like a 'frigerator with a head." I'm not saying there are any sylvan waifs playing, but there's a wider range of body shapes than I recall from the snowy black-and-white days.

Finally, and most importantly for me and for this column, somewhere along the line the players have developed a punk vibe and a sense of humor, many of them intentionally picking nom de skates that make most sports nicknames look weak. Honestly, could football, baseball or even curling get away with names like Ivanna S. Pankin, Biloxi Bruise, Gogo Distrukto or Shawna th'Dead?

As far as health benefits go, assuming you aren't trying to avoid being hip-checked into oblivion, roller skating is a very effective aerobic activity. It's as good as jogging, but much easier on the joints. You can burn 300 to 600 calories an hour while building muscle and flexibility. Skating ranks right up near the top in exercises promoting flexibility. It's not yoga, but then again you can't exactly yoga to work or the local quickie mart, so it's got that going for it, too.

In my opinion, roller skating beats jogging hands down for one reason: It's fun. Any exercise that remains fun week after week is exercise you're going to continue with and become stronger and healthier with.

Please, all you zealots, do not bombard me with e-mails extolling the virtues of jogging. I've heard of your runners' highs and seen your countless magazines and articles. Until I see a jogger without gritted teeth and a look of either exhaustion or pain on his or her face, I'm sticking with my story. Skating: fun. Jogging: not so much.

If you're interested in joining the Sin City Roller Girls Neanderdolls, they're still looking for a few good women. If you just want to watch a truly exciting spectacle or hit them up for rolling tips, they practice three times a week and scrimmage about once a week. Their last game of the season is Saturday, in which, they will try to kick the heinies of Albuquerque's Doomsdames. You can find out the where, when and how of all the above at www.sincityrollergirls.com.

F. Andrew Taylor is a Las Vegas freelance writer. His column appears twice monthly. Contact him at fandrewt@cox.net.