If you're tired of the rat race, will converting your desk into a giant hamster wheel really help? Some people at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota think so. A research division there called NEAT labs has developed the (cue stentorian voice and reverb) OFFICE OF THE FUTURE-ER-ER-ER-ER.
The main component is a combination treadmill/computer workstation. It has a raised desk space, with a computer, monitor and slats for holding pens, paper and various items, including a cup holder, so you can stop using the CD drive as one. The whole shebang is on wheels, so you can move it away from the treadmill and just sit in a tall chair or on a stationary bike.
Only three hours of "desk walking" is encouraged. They claim you easily adjust to working while walking at a leisurely pace of 1 mile per hour, and in no time you should be able to type, reconfigure spreadsheets, instant message, surf the Internet for articles about Paris Hilton in jail, send "humorous" spam to your co-workers and play Mine Sweeper just as well as you could while sitting on your fat tuchas.
Of course, you'll look like a goofball exercise zealot while doing it, and about the third time you boast to someone that you "burned 200 calories while hammering out the details on the Sczypanski contract," you'll probably get popped in your smug beazer. But, by gosh, you'll be healthier for doing it.
Two years ago, Dr. James Levine had the offices of the NEAT (Nifty Exercise Acronym Technology) lab converted to treadmills, and they've been testing the effectiveness of the system.
No doubt that early trial with lab animals failed when rats proved they were incapable of operating Windows Vista, primarily due to their lack of opposable thumbs. I'm sure chimpanzees were ruled out, as well, because even with their more advantageous thumbs, they tend to walk on all fours and throw feces, characteristics shared by only a few actual human office workers.
The NEAT (which actually stands for non-exercise activity thermogenesis) lab has a number of other innovations, as well. The 10 standing workstations are surrounded by a carpeted track with magnetic wipe boards on the walls to accommodate walking meetings. This doesn't strike me as a particularly effective plan. What's the point of scrawling out a brilliant chart or bullet points if you're just going to walk past them? "I'll try to cover points four and five on the next lap, Jim."
There also is a hockey net area, where people can meet and discuss things between slap shots. Again, this strikes me as counterproductive. Hockey players have never been known for their calm, reasoned approach to conflict. I can see a policy point discussion devolving into high sticking far too easily.
There is sound logic behind the system, however. Most studies show that exercise sharpens the mind. Clearly, if you're going to learn to walk, type and chew gum at the same time, something better get sharpened. Also, a lot of people with desk jobs don't get enough exercise. Duh.
On the whole, it's been a successful experiment, and eventually the treadmill/office desks will be available from furniture manufacturer Steelcase Inc. But, not soon. After all, this is the OFFICE OF THE FUTURE-ER-ER-ER.
F. Andrew Taylor is a Las Vegas freelance writer. His column appears twice monthly. Contact him at fandrewt@cox.net.
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