Learning to live alone not all bad

Remember the 1940s, '50s, and '60s, when gender roles were clearly defined? "Woman's place is in the home" was the generally accepted rule.

She was expected to run the household, which included doing the laundry, cleaning, food shopping and preparing meals, taking care of the children and seeing to the needs of all family members. She kept track of doctor and dental appointments, and made sure everyone took their medication when necessary. The man of the house was fully responsible for financially supporting the family. He usually managed the finances and saw to it that the bills were paid. At home, he mowed the lawn, painted, did home repairs and all the other "guy things." Some of us, who are of that generation, are still living pretty much in that mode.

If it suits both of you, Why not?

But what happens when one or the other is no longer there? I have seen it happen in my own family and others'. One of you is left to fend for yourself without knowing how. If you choose to live with gender specifics, then at least take part in the other's role from time to time. Men should get involved in food shopping, storing food and preparing balanced meals. They need to learn how to use the washing machine and dryer. Women need to become familiar with paying bills and budgeting the family income. There may be investments that need to be managed. In short, learn in detail how to live on your own.

Recent statistics show divorce among couples over the age of 65 is on the rise. When this happens, you may find that you will be dividing your friends, as well as your finances. However, the death of a long-term spouse is a more likely reason to find yourself alone. In both cases, you will experience a grieving process. By all means, allow your family and friends to help. The most unhealthy thing you can do is to cut yourself off from people who care about you. Loneliness and social disconnection can lead to depression. Nothing is more destructive to good health.

When you have a huge adjustment to make because your life has been turned upside down, you'll find that you'll have many decisions to make. Before you make any that will affect your life permanently, give yourself enough time to deal with your grief. Chances are that you will not have to make many drastic changes. Try to maintain the social contacts and activities you already have. The less disruption you have in your everyday life, the better. It may take a great deal of effort and determination to get your life back on track, but it's worth it. A positive outlook is a good place to start. You cannot heal until your spirit is renewed. You are the only one who can accomplish that. Seek out what is good in your life and cherish it.

Since many couples look after each other, you may neglect your health care with no one there to remind you. You must not let this happen. It is your responsibility to take your medication and continue with regular checkups. The longer you stay healthy, the more you can maintain your independence.

Regular exercise and good nutrition are essential for everyone. Continue whatever exercise you have been doing and/or add something new. Some of you may have disabilities or chronic pain to deal with. While teaching exercise at the Las Vegas Athletic Club, I see people every day with limitations. They all agree that the more they move around, the better they feel. They also benefit from the social interaction with others in the class.

There is an upside to living alone.

When was the last time you called your own shots? For one thing, you can heat or air condition your home for your comfort. I know from experience that there is usually one person who finds the temperature in the home uncomfortable.

How about the decor in your home? Maybe you would like to get rid of the eyesore hanging over the couch? Hate the color on the walls? You can repaint to your heart's content.

You are allowed to be self-indulgent without feeling guilty. Doing things on the spur of the moment may be something that appeals to you. So, go for it. Your are free to go where you wish and do whatever you want.

Whatever your circumstances, your life is what it is. Appreciate all of the good things you have and be happy.

Marie McDonald teaches aquatic fitness and swimming technique at the northwest area Las Vegas Athletic Club. Her book, "Your Personal Best: A Common Sense Guide to Fitness for all Ages," is available on Amazon.com. You also can find it at the Clark County Library. Contact McDonald at mariedy.fit@hotmail.com.