Defending oneself not a sign of decline of civilization

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Our Sunday morning protocol finds us perusing and savoring the Review-Journal while sipping coffee. My interest in psychology started in high school but was not pursued in college. I have, however, raised three sons with all the trials and tribulations that entails.

Your March 8 column gave me a feeling of desperation and "Oh no, it can't be." Is this counselor really applauding the action of this little snot?

It seems as though our society has been saturated with self-obsession. Had this student paid attention, he wouldn't have been reading the incorrect page, but that fact gets conveniently forgotten. When this manner of self-assertion is condoned and even presented in the classroom as preferred behavior, there is little wonder our society manifests such fractious interaction.

Take a walk in the mall, ride public conveyance or buy movie tickets and witness, firsthand, the rudeness that shows its ugly head. These little souls were not taught to play nicely in the sandbox, but taught instead to be assertive and to hell with the common good.

Insomuch as your example student has not had sufficient parenting to prepare him to play cordially in the grown-up sandbox of life, a common remedy is a couple of years in the Marine Corps. This experience will make him understand that without society, he is nothing. This concept of no corporal discipline for our youth is very harmful to the general good. (See Dr. Robert Larzelere, associate professor of human development and family science at Oklahoma State University).

You can smile now. You really stirred up the old man!

-- T.W.

Las Vegas

For readers who want to catch up with this conversation, please visit http://www.lvrj.com/living/40917882.html.

I concede -- and so does the student in question -- that he did not pay sufficient attention. He takes full responsibility for reading the incorrect page. But, self-obsession? Self-assertion? Couldn't it just be that sometimes you turn to the wrong page 'cause you're 11 and your mind wanders? I'm saying, it's not like he's stealing clandestine bites of candy bar while drawing an obscene effigy of the teacher and preparing a spit wad attack on the girl with the pigtail braids in front of him.

Rude? A threat to the common good? Lacking cordiality? He turned to the wrong page! Are you sure you're not being just a wee bit reactive? Yikes. Let me tease you a bit and say that I hope you're not the first one on the scene if this boy ever jaywalks.

See, I have reason to know this boy -- now 18 -- very well. Never has a teacher complained about his inability or unwillingness to pay attention, let alone reported defiance or back talk or insubordination. Not in kindergarten. Not in elementary school. Not in high school. OK, once in the fifth grade he tossed some paper towels around the boy's restroom and got caught. Shenanigans. He dutifully served his deserved detention.

For turning to the wrong page, he took a flat palm shot to the back of the head hard enough to whip his head forward and down to the desk. Now, I know Dr. Larzelere's work, which you cite above. You won't find inducing whiplash among his suggested corporal punishment strategies or research.

I'm asking: Are you being serious? You're saying the world would be a better place if elementary school teachers were instructed to deliver blows to the heads of students who misapprehended reading assignments? That young people would then ride public transit with better manners?

Truth is, I do applaud the behavior of this little snot. And, whatever the sufficiency or insufficiency of his parenting -- I have reason to know there has been both -- I'd advise you not to hit him except in self-defense. I'm certain he'll interpret the blows as egregious disrespect, and respond accordingly.

This little snot has the unmitigated temerity to expect to be treated with honor, decency and respect, even when he makes mistakes. And he holds himself to that same standard in his treatment of others. That's why he's my hero. That's why he's my role model. I was way past 11 before it dawned on me that hitting and humiliating me was wrong, or that I had a right to protest such treatment.

By the way, he landed two scholarships and a grant. He's going to Northern Arizona University this fall, my alma mater. Any father with an ounce of sense would lean back and kiss the sky in gratitude because he was lucky enough to call this boy his son.

Which is why I just leaned back and kissed the sky.

Steven Kalas is a behavioral health consultant and counselor at Clear View Counseling Wellness Center in Las Vegas and the author of "Human Matters: Wise and Witty Counsel on Relationships, Parenting, Grief and Doing the Right Thing" (Stephens Press). His columns appear on Tuesdays. Contact him at skalas@reviewjournal.com.